Birthday Boy
by Team Dragon Star
Summary: ONE-SHOT: Nothing is what it was like in the good ol' days when he used to be the strongest man on Earth, now he's simply the oldest.


**A/N: Ri696q here… I really don't anything to say other than that xD**

**Oh… and enjoy xD**

How many years had it been since his last gray hair had turned completely white?

He didn't know.

He couldn't even remember exactly how old he was now. It was three hundred and…. something. He had stopped counting a long time ago. He had lived for quite many years now, and seen his fair share of danger, been in countless battles, defeated his enemies, and for a long time been the strongest on Earth. But then along came a boy with a tail and unruly black hair and turned his world upside down. He was no longer the strongest on Earth, far from it. Hell, even Yamcha, Tien, and Krillen had gained strength he could only dream about. But that didn't matter anymore. He was content enough with how life was at the moment.

For a hermit he certainly had many friends. In fact, he had so many they had decided to move his birthday party from his small island and into the grounds of Capsule Corporation. Large banners saying '_Happy Birthday Roshi_' were hanging from the small, white pavilions which had been put up in case of rain. Brightly colored balloons filled to the brim with helium were struggling to escape from the tight hold their lines had on them. If he had to be honest they weren't really necessary, but Mrs. Briefs had insisted, and when such a lovely lady insisted, how could he possibly say no? The blonde woman had also prepared an abundance of food to feed his guests and even baked a giant cake. Everything for Bulma's friends, she had said. Indeed she was a lovely woman, and certainly easy on the eyes too.

He took a sip of his drink and decided to take a stroll among his friends and those other people who had been invited but he had no real relation to. Mr. Satan for instance was one of those people who now belonged to the gang because of his help against Majin Buu. And speaking of Buu, the fat, pink blob was also attending. Oh well, more guests meant more presents, so who was he to complain?

"Hello there, Roshi," he heard a voice say to his left.

He turned around to face Chaiotzu who was hanging in the air, a present in his hands, and a huge grin on his little white face. Tien was standing beside him.

"Happy birthday," the little guy said and handed him the present, "it's from Tien too."

"Oh, thank you very much." He took the present and opened it, giving his glass to a bypassing robot in the process. It was a DVD box with his favorite TV-show "My, my, thank you once again," he said and tossed the paper on the floor where it was quickly picked up by another robot. "I was honestly not excepting you to come, but I must say it is a pleasant surprise. How is Launch doing?"

"She is fine." Tien answered curtly, not wanting to go into details.

He arched an eyebrow. "You know, I'm not really happy that you took her away from me."

"I didn't take her way from you," Tien said in defense, "she just began chasing me."

"Yes, yes I know." He chuckled at the man's reaction. "Now, the buffet is over there. See if you can get any food before the Saiyans have devoured everything." He pointed to a large table filled with food where everyone with Saiyan blood flowing through their veins were currently having an eating contest.

Tien sweat-dropped but Chaiotzu was more optimistic, and the two former students of the crane school left the birthday boy to himself to get some food. He smiled after them and wished them luck in their suicide mission. However, on the inside he was a bit bitter. Of course it wasn't Tien's fault that the lovely Launch had suddenly decided the bald fighter was the love of her life, and chased after him instead of staying with the turtle hermit. It was that damned split personality of hers that was at fault! The blue-haired one was sweet, cute, and would have stayed, but the yellow-haired one… she was twisted, mean, evil. It was that personality that had been out when she left. If only… if only it had been the blue-haired one… Then perhaps she would have stayed? Then he could still have enjoyed the sight of her perfect curves and touched her inappropriately whenever he wanted… oh well, it was no use crying over spilled milk. He still had a beautiful woman living with him… Even if she was married to Krillen… and was half machine and never let him *puff puff*… It was a shame really, but he could always look.

It occurred to him that he still had his present in his hands. Deciding to get rid of it, he headed over to the table where all his other presents had been put, and placed the DVD-box beside a new pair of sunglasses he had gotten from Videl. She was the newest addition to their little flock of girls. What a looker she was, but a shame she always chose to wear those baggy clothes that did nothing to show off her curves. He didn't feel inspired to *puff puff* at all. Only *piff piff.

He was about to take sip of his drink, when he noticed that he had lost it somewhere around the time Chaiotzu and Tien gave him their present. Oh well, he'd better get a new one.

Just before he reached the drinks table, he caught sight if the two youngest Saiyans. Apparently the eating contest had ended, and now the boys were trying to get something to drink. Completely reasonable if it wasn't for the fact that Trunks was reaching out for some of the heavier stuff, seemingly thinking no one was watching. For a second he contemplated on whether or not he should stop Trunks, but then he reminded himself of the fact that whatever Trunks was doing Goten was going to do too, and if Chi-Chi ever found out her son had drunken alcohol at such a young age and the old hermit could have prevented it… well… it was better to stop the purple-haired boy now.

Trunks was just about to pour himself a glass of white wine, when he decided to make himself known.

"Hello there, Trunks," he said, smiling obliviously as if he didn't know what the boy was about to do, "hello to you too, Goten." He nodded in the direction of the youngest Saiyan who was apparently settling for a soda.

"Hello Roshi," Goten said cheerfully before he took a large gulp of his soda while giving Trunks a worried look.

"Hi Roshi," Trunks said, not even trying to hide what he was about to do.

"How nice of you to make me a drink," he said and took the now full glass out of Trunks' hand. He sipped of it. "Ah yes," he remarked, "when you are older you can also enjoy this wonderful taste of fine wine, but not before." The warning was clear in his voice, yet he had a smile on his face.

Trunks pouted, seemingly not happy that he had been busted. However, he quickly put on a fake smile as he saw Chi-Chi approach them with a stern look. The hermit mentally sighed relieved. Had he not done anything, he would be toast.

"What are you teaching the boys, Roshi?" she asked suspiciously, placing her hands on her hips, her breasts bouncing slightly with the motion.

Aaahh. *Puff Puff.*

"Roshi!"

He shook his head to clear his thoughts. Was that blood running down his nose?

"Roshi! I was talking to you!"

He looked up at the furious woman in front of him with a puzzled look. "Sorry, did you say something?" he asked innocently.

She snorted. "I was asking you if you were teaching the boys anything they shouldn't be learning!"

He quickly put on a smile. "No, no, I was teaching the boys no such thing, in fact, I was just asking Trunks to pour me some wine. You know an old man like me sometimes has a shaky hold on things."

Chi-Chi narrowed her eyes as if she was seeing through his lie. Then she turned to the boys. "Is it true?"

The boys gave each other a quick glance before nodding.

"See?" He held up his glass of fine white wine in a cheer. "You should also have some. I'm sure it will help you calm down. I bet Goku will appreciate it too."

If looks could kill, he would have died a rather painful death. Luckily, they couldn't, and instead he was left standing there as Chi-Chi dragged her beloved son off. Trunks left too. Probably to find something else he shouldn't be doing.

How Goku could love that temperamental woman was beyond him. But she did have an amazing body even after bearing two Saiyan sons. Such a shame it was always hidden under a long Chinese dress, much unlike the lovely short dresses Bulma was usually wearing. Today she was wearing a green one, he observed as said woman was making her way towards the drinks table.

"Hi Roshi," Bulma said, smiling as she reached him, "are you enjoying yourself?"

"Oh yes," he said, taking in the short dress that showed off her nice long legs."

"I'm glad to hear that." She poured herself some red wine. "My mom really went out of her way to plan this, you know."

"Ahh. I know that. She really is an extraordinary lady." He sipped of his drink and observed Bulma as she did the same, cringed at the taste and abruptly put the class down.

"What is this? This doesn't taste like red wine!" she said suspiciously and took the bottle up for inspection.

He watched her, amused. So that was what Trunks and Goten had really been up to earlier. He felt lucky for stopping them before they could do anything to the white wine he was drinking of.

"Do you know what happened to the wine?" she asked him, narrowing her eyes questionably.

"My wine is fine," he told her truthfully.

"Weird," she commented and directed her attention back to her glass of red wine.

How time had passed, he thought. She had grown into such a fine woman. He still remembered the first time he met her, it was actually also the first time he met Goku, but it was Bulma who had made the biggest impact on him when she showed him her panties which weren't there. What a wonderful memory that was.

And it wasn't the only fond memory he had of Bulma and her amazing body. Oh no, he had seen it plenty of times back in the good ol' days. And touched it too. He could live for thousands of years and never forget the feel of her body nor the sight of it.

He took yet another sip of his wine as he directed his gaze towards her behind. It was still round and perfect. Perhaps he could… touch it a little? Surely Bulma wouldn't mind. It was after all his birthday and didn't he deserve the birthday present he wanted to most? Now that he thought about it, when was the last time he touched her inappropriately? He couldn't remember.

He glanced up at the blue-haired genius who was still in the process of finding out just what had happened to her favorite red wine. He wanted to appear less suspicious as his hand slowly made its way towards its intended position.

Suddenly, a shiver of fear rand down his spine and his hand froze.

_What was that?_

He tried to move his hand closer but abruptly withdrew it as he was overcome by a dark, ominous feeling unlike anyone he had ever felt before. He shook his head to shake the feeling off and looked up to see what could possibly have shaken him so.

He was met with hard, dark eyes that promised a fate far worse than death, should he choose to act upon his desire to touch what was not his.

Suddenly he remembered the exact reason why he had not been allowed to touch Bulma's assets for such a long time.

He smiled weakly, but Vegeta's eyes only narrowed in anger. The proud Saiyan prince was standing pretty far away from him, and yet he seemed to watch his wife like a hawk. Needless to say he bid Bulma goodbye and hurried away from the table before Vegeta could… well… he preferred what Chi-Chi could do to him.

After having put as much distance between himself and Bulma as possible, he finally relaxed a bit and had time to contemplate on his least favorite person in the world.

What was wrong with that… that… _that monster!_ Was he so selfish he could not even share? All he wanted to do was touch, but that freaky alien just had to come and ruin everything? Everything had been perfect before Vegeta had showed his ugly face on Earth and swooped Bulma off her feet. It was better when she had dated Yamcha. _Yamcha_ would let him touch her whenever the turtle hermit wanted to, _Yamcha _was not jealous_, Yamcha _was not out to kill people.

The old man huffed.

Everything was better in the good ol' days.

But as he watched Vegeta and Goku arguing about food, Chi-Chi and Bulma laughing at their husbands, Goten and Trunks teach Marron how to do a perfect sucker punch, Tien, Chaiotzu, and Puar laugh at Oolong who had tried the red wine and spit it all out on Yamcha's legs, Gohan and Videl talk with Buu, Dr. and Mrs. Briefs chatting with Krillen and 18, Piccolo leaning against a tree while trying to ignore Mr. Satan who was showing off his flashy champion poses in front of Dende, he felt quite special.

After all…

They had all gathered for his sake only.

Even though he was the oldest man on Earth, he still hoped he would experience many joyful birthdays as these in the future.


End file.
